2012 Ice Age

2012 Ice Age

2012: Ice Age (2011) is a straight-to-DVD action/sci-fi/disaster film from The Asylum who has released some terrible films such as 2012: Supernova and Two-Headed Shark Attack too. This is a much anticipated film for people who loved Asylum movies.

Directed by: Travis Fort.

Written by: Paul Sinor (Dead Men Can’t Dance (1997), Testing the Limits (1998)),Victoria Dadi (Airline Disaster (2010)).

Talent: Nick Afanasiev, Patrick Labyorteaux, Julie McCullough, Katie Wilson, Kyle Morris, Chacko Vadaketh, Ted Monte and so on.

I promise you, I am not going to write any Asylum movie reviews after this. I am done talking about what I perceive to be poorly produced films and instead focus on how these movies are perceived by others.

Node this is yet another one of The Asylum’s movies of “2012 Trilogy” which bears no relations to the previous two successes so, no, they have something in common. They are both with a common denominator that is stealing ideas from other disaster movies, this time mostly Day After Tomorrow, but without the money and all the other things that made it goo-, I mean, possible to watch.

There was a cogent sequence demonstrating how the CGI department works, a very rare moment. However some of the effects look quite nice and realistic such as some of the side clouds of snow, and a few others such as the lava explosions seemed like a monkey had sex with a hollow log and decided to render effects. The good news is that they accept sort of their explosions were not done well and tried to conceal them through a technique which is known as ‘shaky-cam’. It is quite unfair though, Asylum’s effects are good in their own way just like some children who are different and you cannot classify them in the same box.

A family is being followed in a vehicle as there is a slightly geeky son, a nasty daughter, a caring mother, and a working father. The son, who is a weird genius and always helps his geologist father with work, casually answers his mother whenever she sees some planes and asks, “Are those military planes?” with “F-16s” in an astonished manner when they clearly aren’t. But when you think about it, he can be a total idiot. The father converses on the phone with the daughter who appears late in the film in a different city and then loses connection and the brother remarks, “I wanted to talk to her,” yes, well, next time, you idiot savant.

Patrick Labyorteaux plays the father who becomes like MacGyver in a scene, but first, we hope his daughter is not as grating as she appears. Like any father in this world, he finds everything a man needs in a single car trunk, you know, a whopping gas in a closet and explosives. Well, now what are they learning in geologist building? Also, Brian Krause in Supernova was worried about a dozen things in that movie and this time we have a round Labyorteaux looking out in the world in utter bewilderment.

The problem in this movie is that it gets really cold outside. They seem to stay still outdoors as if they were frozen. One can imagine that with all the blue painted actors around it is only a matter of time before Arnold Schwarzenegger pops up and yells “Chill out!” But that is not the case because on the other hand the main characters do run around without any coats or gloves on and do not seem to complain of the cold, Crowther seems to be just a draft which they think has been around. The additional performers also find confusion by only standing or running with a suitcase above their heads.

At one point they go into somebody’s house, and one of the people who lived in there is seen with only his head above the surface of a metal shelving unit that looks like it weighs less than a supermarket trolley. First, they get a superb airplane model. A bloody airplane. And Macgyver the chubby man is a qualified pilot. Forget Lebanon; I want to study geology right now. In the plane, they are now aboard and summarize Asylum special effects with a dialogue of two lines ‘These clouds don’t look normal’ ‘Nothing looks normal’.

The dialog follows this fireproof structure: Mother asks a dumb question, father indeterminately replies and the son spits out some idiotic teen phrase ie “This visibility sucks balls!” I cringed and had a high dislike of that little shit because of every single line he said.

In general terms, it is not amusing but can be considered as humor of movie, if it can be called a movie at all, that parodies action films to a fault. But it was awful. Do not recommend.

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