300

300

The 2005 movie adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel, “Sin City,” was awarded four stars by me. Now I have been compensated with 300 based on another piece by Miller. In my review for the previous film, I prophesied that: “This isn’t a comic book adaptation; it is more like a real comic book but on steroids.” For this reason, “300” producers must have bought steroids in bulk. All males in the film are as muscular as MR UNIVERSE finalists including even the hunchback.

Both films are faithfull to millers plots and drawings. The phrase “300” means that every illustration was almost done according to its comics page by page. They are so dependent on CGI that some sequences were entirely created through computing system There was just something about the first one and something about the second one.

Maybe it starts from the subject matter itself? Sin City directed by Robert Rodriguez and Miller is my favorite genre of film noir taken to an extreme limit. However, Zack Snyder’s 300 is not only ancient carnage but also-the most hated thing from this kind of movies ever made on screen. Sin city has sharply defined characters and dialogues. “300” however has zero-dimensional caricatures who sound like professional wrestlers promoting their next fight.

It’s a movie where three hundred death infatuated Spartans make a legendary last stand against a vast swarm of Persians. So fierce and robust are these men that they impale, disembowel, decapitate or otherwise trouble hundreds of thousands of Persians before being crushed under weight of numbers/ That Spartan men are free while Persian ones are slaves remains true although Spartan freedom does not promise much because children there undergo flogging.

But let us get back to those muscles again. Nevertheless their faces look realistic since real actors portray them, I think their bodies were created digitally, if not completely so. They all have Arnold Schwarzenegger arms and every one of them, even the old men, has developed abs with visible six packs.

Gerard Butler himself, aside from being a star of The Phantom of the Opera in which he looked very frail, might just have been going to Gold’s Gym for daily workouts for all I know during the three months they spent shooting “300.” This meant that each time I saw a group of Spartans together I was not seeing people, but drawings.

Maybe that is why.

There are also other scenes in the movie that defy logic. Just look at those long-shots of Persian hordes. They would be a logistical nightmare – how could they be fed? Think about it; its Xerxes’ chariot pulled by slaves. It is bigger than an imperial throne room found at the Forbidden City, and has a wide stair case leading up to Xerxes himself… That is impressive considering how such a huge thing can be imported from Persia to Greece? It isn’t required necessarily or expected from me either but this film really exaggerates things beyond imagination it relishes its absurdity too much.

But as for Xerxes himself (played by Rodrigo Santoro), ehh? He is probably about eight feet tall which is accurate for 500 B.C. (Santoro was 6 feet, 2.75 inches in real life). I mean, he dwarfs Leonidas (Gerald Butler) evidently suggesting that his body is not there. But what about his face? Almost, I have come late to think of ancient Persians interfering with the piercing of noses, eyebrows, chins ears and cheeks. However, his eyebrow plucked and re-drawn into black arches that would make Joan Crawford jealous. And what are those white lines on the eyelids and mascara for? Given their description of Athenians as “philosophers and boy-lovers”, I wish Spartans had taken this opportunity to tell us more about Persians who believe in monogamy.

The spartans pack light. They go bare-chested with sandals, bikini briefs and capes. Swords and shields are also common among them at any one time. At some point they produce helmets that might have been hidden in their loin clothes. Also apples. Oh! And from my guess protein shakes too from the look of things. The Spartans are extremely fit; being able to build a towering wall of dead Persians within hours can be impressive enough even after they had gone through all the trouble of slaughtering them. When men enter a battle scene resembling drunken sports fans streaming onto a field that’s when you hear their pep talks.

They speak like professional wrestlers do when promoting bouts between Edge vs The Undertaker. “Be afraid!” says one Spartan, stopping short of saying: “be very afraid.” They talk about going on a “warpath,” not knowing that it was not an expression indigenous American Indians were yet using then either way these savage women lived like their men; they had wrestler’s wives.

That said, I do not like the film’s bloodiness. That would be a fielder’s choice if you’ve ever heard of one. In slow motion with blood and body parts spraying through the air, we see dozens, hundreds or perhaps thousands of gruesome deaths. It can get very sad sometimes.

In old movies, the ancient Greeks were usually portrayed as fairly noble individuals. Now they are beer boys celebrating a fascist ideal. They assume that there is either a bloodthirsty audience watching their play or an audience with attention deficit syndrome (how many disemboweled corpses does one need to illustrate this point?). Their speech lacks grace and wisdom; their bearing lacks dignity: they strut around full of arrogant pride. These guys sure are mean-spirited people! “You’re a bad pony, and I’m not gonna bet on you.” This is just before he dies in Joe Mantegna’s “House of Games”.

Watch 300 For Free On Gomovies.