365 Days: This Day

365 Days: This Day

Who could resist sex and shopping? Viewed from that perspective, it makes sense that a Polish erotic romance film “365 Days” became popular first in cinemas and later on Netflix where people could watch it privately because their most hidden lustful desires can be fulfilled. However, the follow-up to that hit indicates how low its quality was. It is amazing to see the extent of plagiarism committed by the Euro-soft porn series as compared to “Fifty Shades of Grey” which was itself a blown up Twilight fan fiction. And those are not even its main problems.

But for all this film’s repellent rape-culture premise, there was an appealing fantasy nugget: The idea of giving up all these annoying obligations and horrible men that preoccupy our independent, workaholic modern lives with someone else taking their place for some time. Ordinary Warsaw girl Laura (Anna Maria Sieklucka) did not need much more than a year’s time to fall madly in love with Italian mafia kingpin Don Massimo (Michele Morrone): he drugged her then had her taken while on vacation in Sicily only promising to let her go if she doesn’t come to love him after 365 days later. But he looks like an underwear model and spends like a Russian oligarch. In this film’s heartless shallow world view, those are the only things that matter.

So little does “365 Days: This Day,” Netflix produced sequel have anything to do with Laura who went from involuntary captive fast into bored housewife. Like Fifty Shades of Grey, 365 Days adds in and removes out plotlines depending upon such harebrained whims of its own making decisions. Last time around, it appeared as though Laura might never live her dream of owning an obscenely expensive wedding dress plus marrying the person she loves (or at least ate her out on his yacht).

Yet all that possible death in a burning car is forgotten when the sequel opens with Laura and Massimo circling each other’s mouths like they want to eat one another on an Instagram able Italian cliff. Then, after all the lavish ceremony of an extravagant wedding and exotic honeymoon are gone, “365 Days: This Day” looks around and asks, “What next?”

Laura gets a new man in her life, Nacho (Simone Susinna), who pretends to be a gardener. It is hard not to laugh when we see Nacho walking towards us dressed in his trucker hat and ripped jeans. And it becomes even more difficult not to burst into laughter when this simple working man lives in a beach shack that’s really like a boutique hotel at Tulum.

(Everyone in “365 Days” has to be either secretly wealthy or have good taste in décor.) While Massimo is domineering and controlling, Nacho is gentle and non-threatening. As such, she will run away from him if Laura ever finds out about Massimo having sex with his ex-girlfriend as she doesn’t want any trouble with him so he goes off with Nacho whom she will continue being close with.

Even though she had never slept with Nacho however much she fantasized about it. Because just as Fifty Shades of Grey it’s just another right wing dream come true that 365+1 writers had been longing for since they saw Anastasia Steele meet Christian Grey through every woman’s eyes..

Look beyond the regular, forceful, and slightly kinky softcore scenes just like its predecessor, “365 Days: This Day” involves male and female nudity on different occasions throughout to realise that at its heart, “365 Days: This Day” is all about marrying a rich man and giving birth to his children. There are equal numbers of shopping montages as well as sex in this movie and they are all shot like a perfume advertisement.

Expensive watches and fast cars, couture gowns and high-end sex toys, gourmet breakfasts on the terrace overlooking a million dollar view: Massimo can give Laura all of this which makes “365 Days: This Day” a romance. If he were poor though he’d simply be a rapist.

“365 Days: This Day” is 60% wish fulfillment or erotic montage at best. However when it comes to filling in that remainder 40%, the film does not have enough sense to simplify matters by sticking strictly to bad boy versus good guy conflict only. Coked out identical twins, warring Mafia families, and the most inept villain duo this side of Team Rocket in “Pokémon” all factor into the sloppy build up of events which culminate in a dim-witted action climax.

It’s unclear what the Mafia does exactly in “365 Days: This Day.” Mostly it seems like they whisper things into each other’s ears at parties while working out (is there some kind of requisite for six-packs on every Sicilian Mafioso under sixty or is it just an extra feature)?

The question concerning performances is why mince words now? They are sickeningly awful! But Olga (Magdalena Lamparska) and Domenico (Otar Saralidze), Laura and Massimo’s BFFs provide even worse “comic relief.” Although it is immature to laugh at dialogue written in what we obviously know is not the screenwriters’ first language, try to suppress a chuckle as Olga screams, “I’m Polish and cannot calm down!” At the same time, the music is also amusing; it is weak R&B stuff that seems fittingly like what one would find playing on loudspeakers in a fast-fashion emporium.

“365 Days: This Day” hardly qualifies as a movie. Instead, it’s a thoughtless combination of sex scenes without meaning and erotic dances which are driven by greed and violence but disguised as passion. The skeeviness was right there on the surface of “365 Days.”

But although it’s more vanilla, “365 Days: This Day” is more insidious, because it argues that the ends high end luxury goods, sculpted butt cheeks justify the means kidnapping, coercion, misogyny. Laura is objectifying herself this time around. Somehow worse still!

Watch 365 Days: This Day For Free On Gomovies.