500 MPH Storm (2013)

The cloud of hurricanes that advances on the continent wipes everything in its path. To rescue his family and seek shelter, a scientist, like many others, is forced to brace himself against the devastating winds so that they don’t come in contact with nurses and workers attempting to save them. As the world descends into chaos, soldiers too brace themselves for protection. The first power plant exposes America to a calamity, and blending every rather bizarre idea gives it the lifting narrative it desperately seeks.

Wait, isn’t this exactly the type of preposterous plot Asylum has been offering for years? From bad CGI effects to the former star of Hollywood appearing along a bunch of absolute B actors, this seems like a real step back for Asylum. When all of their targeted films were appealing and looking at a strong economy, which is why the production values and storytelling saw a drastic change in these films, this company surely has some plans ahead. Only to realize that this was produced in 2013 and the rest are way off, summing up to zero.

However, this film seems to be a part of some bigger Casper Van Dien revival here in the UK because we had Firestorm program last month, 500 Storm this month, and next month the wonderful Star Raiders has its UK screening (with a different name: Galaxy Raiders). If you are a Van Dien fan, then it is certainly a great time to be alive!

We know that lots of The Asylum’s films are spoofs of other works, Transmorphers, Atlantic Rim, Snakes on a Train, and others. 500 MPH Mister Storm is one of them. Although the disaster movies this film is mocking started years before the release of this movie, it does not mean that The Asylum cannot have a good time with the Skeleton and genre, and very strangely, the parody here is a lot more muted than in the other works of the company.

While some people may perceive the film differently, it is played as a disaster film, but Daniel Lusko, somehow manages to retain the essence of the film without being a laugh riot. Yet, to be honest, some moments would simply baffle you, such as especially during the initial sequences where the family is fleeing the endlessly progressing storms. These moments are amplified by Van Dien, who appears to become more casually considering over the equally insane chaos of the film, which in this case, is the family trying to survive the storm. He clearly understands, as do all of us, that this film is absurd, yet he also enjoys the experience which makes it all the more entertaining. And all this while he is the hero/straight man.

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