Another Wolfcop

Another Wolfcop

According to comedian Joel Hodgson, “If you go right for the obvious joke, it doesn’t give you any place to go.” He also said: “Me saying the most blunt, direct thing is like me pulling out a gun and shooting it right away.” The creators of the terrible horror-comedy “Another Wolfcop” didn’t take that advice. Too bad, because “Another Wolfcop” is a sequel to a promising if not altogether there high-concept tribute to ’80s trash like Sylvester Stallone cop thriller “Cobra,” and zombie-comedy “Dead Heat.”

Unfortunately, while it has some ingenuous qualities, this movie relies too heavily on one absurd plot development after another. It’s almost as if someone took two great old tabloid stories, mashed them up and served them raw as a half-baked comedy full of aliens, werewolves, stereotypes and dick jokes. But where ‘Wolfcop’ is supposed to be funny because it’s got so much good stuff in it, ‘Another Wolfcop’ never has anything up its sleeve more substantive than a bunch of goofy timing and fundamentally exclusive humor.

This comedy doesn’t just celebrate retrograde ideas; it’s thoughtless throughout.

In case you missed the first film in the Wolfcop saga: Smalltown cop Lou Garou (Leo Fafard) is an alcoholic who only sometimes does police work. He also happens to be a werewolf.

By day he fights off hangovers and performs menial law enforcement duties around Everytown USA Woodhaven with helpful sidekick Willie Higgins (Jonathan Cherry) and uptight but righteous lady cop Tina (Amy Matysio).

By night Garou becomes a werewolf after shape-shifting cultists kidnap him from his jail cell (long story) and use him in some kind of Fountain-of-Youth-type ritual that requires wolf blood. I see you in the back but no, please, there will be no questions. Somebody thought this story was funny and that’s the only reason it exists. Let’s move on.

In “Another Wolfcop,” Garou is back, but this time it turns out Higgins who was revealed at the end of “Wolfcop” to be an evil shape shifting cultist collaborator has been abducted, replaced and anally probed by aliens. So he’s not as evil as we thought in ‘Wolfcop.’ OK, a sitcom level cop out. But what do aliens have to do with werewolves? Not much, except that a group of evil lizard-alien microbrewers led by local politician Sydney Swallows (Yannick Brisson) are trying to get the local townspeople addicted to their new brew, Chickenmilk Stout an insidious reagent that impregnates the locals with muppets on a budget alien babies that look like evil penises and burst out of their hosts’ abdomens.

If that plot synopses seems funny to you, I apologize. ‘Another Wolfcop’ is a bad movie; it’s the kind of bad movie that sounds amazing on paper but is excruciating to watch, even at a brisk 82 minutes. The creators of this film throw so many misconceived gonzo ideas at the wall that it soon becomes clear they are banking on your good will to see their trainwreck through.

For starters: there are no memorable characters here. Garou was, in the first ‘Wolfcop,’ sympathetic enough: he was only singled out by evil shape-shifting cultists because their spell required a patsy who is essentially Woodhaven’s “village idiot,” as Garou himself called him. None of Garou’s slovenly personality bogs him down in ‘Another Wolfcop,’ which uncritically celebrates his brazen chauvinism and frequently makes sport of the fact that he gets hit on and mounted by Willie’s were cat sister Kat (Serena Miller). But none of this slobs-vs.-slobs stuff would be so draining if we didn’t know any better than to expect it from Fafard, whose most distinguishing feature as an amateur actor is his bushy, Eric Bogosian like eyebrows.

Which brings me to the biggest problem with ‘Another Wolfcop’: none of its nonsensical individual elements come together because every joke is simply too dumb. Take the “Naked Gun” movies: some people remember them for their inspired, surreal sight gags rather than their ridiculously white male centric humor. But these movies work as well as they do because they’re made by guys who made a fine art of the reaction shot (among other things). The makers of those films are more funny than their frequent jokes at women’s expense and Mexicans’ and O.J.’s are politically objectionable.

But the creators of ‘Another Wolfcop’ aren’t in the same weight-class as those guys because they keep going for obvious jokes that simply don’t stick. The best joke in this film is a throwaway gag about how the cops’ walkie-talkies all sound like the kind of garbled gibberish that the adults in “Peanuts” cartoons speak fluently; unfortunately, this hilarious one time gag is repeatedly run into the ground. ‘Another Wolfcop’ has all the elements of a fun night out werewolf, jokes about pretentious use of word “curate,” bodily fluids but it’s not worth watching when its creators keep trying to pull a loaded gun from their empty holsters.

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