Alien Origin (2012)

Whatever progress The Asylum has made this year came to an unfortunate end. Alien Origin is, by far, the worst movie they have produced in a long time. Unless one watches Quatermain and Temple of Skulls or Monster, it is hard to find an Asylum movie that is this excruciatingly dull. Did you know this movie lacks everything? Plot line? Check. Intrigue? Nope. Even a hint of suspense? Not even a clear sentence outline exists. Honestly, how did this movie get made? Simply put, a perfect compilation of the year The Asylum progressed until this point. Agreed?

The opening title sequence of Alien Origin is frankly boring. Alien Origin tries to feign creativity by introducing a montage of action scenes that occur in the last one-third of the movie, equally dispelling the lies of Alien Origin. Montag attempts to convince an audience that if they are patient enough, they will eventually be rewarded with action. Lies, I tell you. This Alien Origin movie is a tragic movie.

For the most part during the overly extensive 90-minute runtime, soldiers spy on the bushes of the jungle. They will check peculiar tree etches, converse with villagers, gaze at more unusual tree etches, talk to some more villagers, engage in small talk, get spooked by bizarre noises in the woods at night, sneak around multiple places, construct laughable traps too shoddy they resemble Predator booby traps created by The Little Rascals, and periodically shoot randomly into the jungle while something unseen attacks them.

Don’t we all remember the hilarious scene within Predator where the soldiers opened fire into the jungle all at once without a specific target in mind? This film reuses this scene endlessly and in no instance does it come out as exciting.

I was not completely certain if the troopers were being ambushed by an alien or a Chinese fireworks seller due to how astonishingly cheap their explosives were. The latter would have probably been more fascinating since they could have been able to afford to hire a Chinese person.

You never actually see the alien. Whenever you get the chance to see an alien, you don’t really see one. In the last few moments of the film, it appears with an abundance of glitches. When the creature itself appears on the screen, it is a blur and there are also shadows in different parts of the visuals. The distorted face depicted on the DVD cover is all you can expect to clearly look at, and even then you have to look at the cover from a distance. Who cares anyway?

The original DVD’s purpose is to try and explain the origins of life’s existence on Earth and the reason they chose to release it together with the opening of Prometheus. However, it is relatively pointless until the closing epilogue, which makes no sense due to no preceding events being significant.

The unfortunate truth is that the central concept of Alien Origin isn’t particularly bad. A Predator done in the fashion of REC could have been frightening, entertaining or perhaps all of the above. Who knows, maybe it would have been so if the people doing it, and I mean this in the most literal sense, had something to work with. This project was done with no budget for resources, a ten-page script, and filmed over a weekend. What you will find here is a classic definition of everything you should avoid doing when making a found footage film.

Oh, I forgot. It’s all real, right? The Asylum really needs to lay off the allusion to their so-called “found footage” films when they look as fake as this. It’s a paper cutout simulation.

Alien Origin is so mundane that I prefer to believe that it is, in fact, a found footage film whose actors a bunch of soldiers with a PA and a camera got lost in the wilderness somewhere. This document captures their journey to locate the film set they were supposed to be working at.

Being the first found footage film on my list with an included additional found footage film is something to appreciate. It is even more impressive when a more interesting found footage segment manages to stand out, strengthening the argument for the film’s worst-ever award. In my list of found footage films, this one earns a straight-out zero.

The only other remotely interesting sequence happens when a small boat is discovered in the wilderness of the Belize jungle. In reality, this is a very sorry boast to include. One reason more advanced technology can be used is to ‘underscore’ the importance of brown people in the world. It is largely effective and far more advanced than any of the other techniques used. I am personally awe-struck at the concept of alien origin. To me, it is more interesting than anything else, and wow it achieves such a strange but oddly smart, technique. This whole segment changes Alien Origin from a straight-out zero to a wow.

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