And Now Ladies And Gentlemen

And Now Ladies And Gentlemen

I was arrested by the title “And Now Ladies and Gentlemen.” What could it possibly have to do with this movie about jewel thieves, brain tumors, sailing alone around the world, faith healers, adultery, cell phone trickery, gigolos, police work, Paris, Morocco and nightclub chantoosies? Then I understood: The title refers not to the plot but to the performance. Claude Lelouch as a plot-twister is known to pull a few exotic locations out of his hat every reel or so. Self-satirizing, this film is too extravagant and outrageous in its storytelling to be criticized.

A story like this needs an actor like Jeremy Irons: someone dour; inward; filled at once with lust and with a conviction that this is a desire which can never be satisfied. You wouldn’t want an extroverted actor or a heroic one; if the story whirls the actor must remain still or the audience risks vertigo. And for such a story you require an audience in on the joke: The slightest shred of common sense would explode this movie. I remember fondly my conversation with Ken Turan of the Los Angeles Times after we had seen “Gerry,” in which two guys get lost in the desert and walk for hour after hour. We both knew that though these fellow moviegoers found it tedious beyond all reason (and they were right), we experienced moviegoers should appreciate it as we did.

“At now Ladies and Gentlemen” is not tedious. It errs in opposite direction. It has music from “A Man and Woman” by Michel Legrand like so many other Lelouch movies; also there are scenes where he drains color (Lelouch alternated color/black and white first hit 1967). Oh yes it begins with jewel robbery stolen technique from “Happy New Year” whose technique [inspired] Peter Falk’s astonishing performance in remake “La Bonne Annee” (Falk himself remade this earlier movie). Theft depends on disguise and deception, and all one can say is that Falk (and Lino Ventura original) were a lot more deceptive than Jeremy Irons this time. His looks like something whipped up for a costume party.

But never mind that; one thing follows another, and soon Irons (whose character is called Valentin Valentin) falls in love with Francoise (Allesandra Martines), only to eventually kiss her goodbye before setting sail around world singlehandedly. (Thierry Lhermitte, Other Man du Jour of French cinema, poised to step in.) But alas he gets no further than middle Mediterranean before collapsing; eventually found unconscious he is brought by rescue ship to Morocco where friendly Dr. Lamy (Jean-Marie Bigard) diagnoses brain tumor.

An hour into movie at this point other major character enters picture; she calls herself Jane Lester (she played nightclub singer Patricia Kaas), and wouldn’t you know it? She’s got brain tumor too knows because starts blanking on lyrics although since sings with handheld mike while strolling past tables oblivious diners first notice

The movie is ridiculously episodic, as when Valentin Valentin and Jane Lester go to a faith healer who tells them to visit the grave of some powerful saint who may be able to heal them and who eventually does, given that the movie has a happy ending. At Jane’s hotel, where she is performing her act, an old countess (Claudia Cardinale yes, Claudia Cardinale) loses some jewels while her husband is away on business; and the Police Inspector (Amidou), suspecting Valentin at first, which is an irony too good to be true because Valentin actually is a jewel thief, says: “I don’t check alibis.

Only the innocent have alibis.” Will the jewels be found? Will the thief be caught? Will Valentin get cured? Will Jane Lester get healed and loved back to herself again? Will Francoise find comfort with Thierry? Will they resume their trip? Will any of the lyrics come back oh! let alone that scam at the auction house I almost forgot about? The answers are supplied at this movie’s end for all those grateful viewers who’ve been hanging around waiting for ‘me. Did I like this film? Not much. Was this film necessary for me to see? No. But having once got my attention it worked hard enough to keep it. The most I can say is that I didn’t not dislike it entirely.

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