Assault of the Killer Bimbos

Assault of the Killer Bimbos

“Attack of the Killer Bimbos” is a movie in which the lights are on but nobody’s home. It’s the dumbest movie in many a moon, an empty-headed and brainless exercise in dreck, and I just about enjoyed myself sometimes, in a way. It’s so cheerfully stupid, and everybody on the screen is such an enthusiastic sleazoid, that it acquires a kind of awful charm.

Of course, the best thing about it is the title. I saw this one advertised at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, where it was a finalist for Best Title along with “Space Sluts in the Slammer” and “Surf Nazis Must Die!” my annual search for the most unforgettable bad-movie title since “Blood-Sucking Monkeys of Forest Lawn.” The amazing thing about “Killer Bimbos,” though, is that the title does indeed describe the movie.

It opens in some go-go joint located somewhere out toward the twilight zone. On a postage-stamp stage before an audience of drooling creeps sit go-go dancers wearing weirdly decorated bikinis while bouncing to bad music; they never take off any clothes (although when a waitress gets her big break and is allowed to dance she gets fired after her bananas fly off her bra and into several customers’ drinks: “You can’t strip!

This is a go-go joint, not a strip club!”), and veteran dancer Peaches (Christina Whitaker) as well as newcomer Lulu (Elizabeth Kaitan) are framed on false charges of murdering their employer after plot complications too simple to describe. They escape across Texas to Mexico in an ancient Dodge convertible with kidnapped truck-stop waitress Tammara Souza along for company because she wants to be kidnapped; meet three pothead surfers whom they take along during another pause for arrest by various sheriff’s deputies.

Students of grade-Z exploitation films may want to make a note of the film’s employment of nudity. Although none of the bimbos take off their clothes in the go-go joint, there is later a scene in which they change clothes beside the road, and we see their bare breasts.

However and this is critical we never get to see both their faces and their breasts at the same time; the film has been very carefully edited so that it shows nudity only from neck to navel. Which leads one to suspect that body doubles were used for all nudity scenes and therefore that the actresses actually starring in “Killer Bimbos” never took anything off.

Was this because (a) they refused to, or (b) because they were assured there would be no nudity in the film, and then matching nude shots were edited in later? Good questions, both of them, and I expect we can look forward to their answers in next year’s sequel, advertised during these closing credits as “Bimbo Barbeque.”

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