Attila

Attila

Attila could be the worst movie that the later Anthony Quinn acted in.

Once again channelling his inner brutish aboriginal, Quinn portrays one of the more recognized barbarians who sought to almost single-handedly defeat the Roman Empire. This narrative revolves around one Attila who has eyes on Italy while his twin brother Bleda, who is merciful, is doing everything within his power to ensure that no Romans are slaughtered. Unfortunately for Bleda, this is not Attila’s way of doing things and he manages to get his brother assassinated.

The scene of course shifts to a more clueless and pathetic character the Roman Emperor who goes by the name Valentinian III- who is simply at a loss of how to approach the barbaric horde. This is where the surprisingly cunning sister of Honoria, played by Sophia Loren, comes into the play and proposes a deal where she would marry Attila if he does not destroy her brother and Italy.

Honestly, this movie has got to be one of the most dramatic story lines ever but with one of the most unbelievably poor and mediocre of scripts to accompany it.

Attila was a man possessed with toughness, audacity, energy, fearlessness and never backed down in battle. Quinn brings that same attitude to the barbarian but unlike John Wayne’s heroes, Attila lacks the ethical virtue.

The acting here is believable thanks to all the supporting cast who went overboard with their acting and ridiculousness. I saw some of the performances that can maybe be described as “mimes on speed”. Only these mimes are the ones who scoop the slop that is this script.

It is quite amusing to see how the film transitions from the grandiose settings in Rome to Attila’s HQ where the viewers often feel as though they have mistakenly flicked a channel with their remote. At the Huns HQ, everything from the settings to the idiotic dialogues made it seem like an off cut from a low-budget 70s martial arts flick.

Then, a 70s porno without the porn. In short, it is rather interesting, but I felt out of place.

This film’s costume design aimed for the extraordinary, yet spandex, particularly that which fitted beneath Attila’s enormous codpiece, was quite disturbing. And then there was the makeup. Are the Huns Mongols? Did the Huns all look like Mongols? It is astonishingly odd.

Without a doubt, the best scene in the feature is where Loren seduces Quinn that will send vapors down everyone’s neck. Loren happens to be at her peak and the seduction comes off as a Samson Delilah scenario. She looks seductive and in white color that attracted Quinn’s barbarian who seemed frozen in time. Loren’s dress in that scene is incredibly gorgeous and by far the best in the movie.

The last lines were, “How I have longed for your lips!” This is funny for it escapes her that moments ago, with a mouth-full, he tongue-slobber kissed her. His cheeks are what, gopher? He looks like one with these cheeks. It is these types of embarrassing stunts which makes this film a target for parody. Or put it this way, isn’t it already one such parody?

The tones needed for the film are never quite attained. Obviously, they wanted it to be epic, historic, sexy two huge stars. What they instead got, was a movie of just 80 minutes, of many silly dialogues and over the top acting.

Now if you ask me, if one intends to have a good laugh, then I can give it a four stars. The film does try to project a different thing.

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