Babies

Babies

If you’ve never been around young children, then “Babies” is the perfect film for you. Maybe you have never given birth or baby-sat or held an infant in your arms; maybe you’ve only watched the little ones toddle at a distance in the park or on the beach or strapped in baby carriers worn by exhausted-looking parents in malls. Now a French documentarian has gone to Africa, Asia and America and come back with irresistible footage of babies being babies.

If, however, you have raised children or grandchildren, had younger brothers or sisters if you have ever been stuck baby-sitting for even 79 minutes this movie may be your idea of unpaid labor. When Baby Mari starts to scream for no apparent reason and won’t stop, you wish that you could just turn on the TV and put something bright and noisy between her eyes so that she would forget whatever it is that is bothering her (which she will do as soon as she gets distracted). But no. You are at a movie. Then again: Maybe “Babies” is interesting because babies find it interesting. Just as many dogs and cats appear to enjoy watching certain TV programs from certain distances. Finally: Programming notes for those Mommy & Me screenings.

The babies are cute. They are all cute; how would filmmakers audition one baby and then make it wait six months before giving it a callback? It wouldn’t be a baby anymore. Director Thomas Balmes has found exemplary specimens in Namibia; Mongolia; Tokyo; San Francisco, where they nurse, play, doze, poke kittens and happily whack one another while he looks on adoringly. The movie is about the babies themselves not their parents so we see only those parts of mom and dad that rank highest on junior’s interest scale: nipples (not all real), hands, arms up to here!

Two of these children come from poor parts of the world. Two come from rich. They all seem equally happy and healthy. The Japanese and American babies are exposed to an awesome array of baby-training strategies that will set them on the earliest possible path to success. I am not here to argue against baby yoga classes, but I have never met a baby who was not naturally capable of contorting itself into alarmingly advanced positions and then losing itself in meditation for hours at a time.

Ponijao, the African baby, lives in a forest hut with an earth floor, but this is Home and here is Mother and there are sticks to play with that may not be made out of plastic or adorned with Disney characters but are sticks nonetheless good sticks! and so he is content. Bayarjargal (Bayar for short), whose family lives in a yurt in Mongolia, spends his days becoming proficient in sibling rivalry.

Mari, who is from Japan, and Hattie, who is from America, are enclosed by an overwhelming number of devices for their entertainment, service, sheltering, defense and nourishment. Could the First World’s lack of baby-boredom opportunities be the cause of the epidemic known as attention deficit disorder? With everything always being rattled and waved before them how do babies concentrate on anything? Is there too much coming in?

I dunno. What I do know is that babies are amazing. Starting out sprawled and squalling they learn to walk, talk, plan, scheme, play figure things out. For centuries scientists have been falling all over themselves trying to figure out exactly how babies learn to talk. They must be getting so sick of the fact that babies just go ahead and do it without any instruction.

Did I like this movie? Hell yeah I did. How could I not? Did I feel like I had to see it? Not really. But what was nice about it was there wasn’t a narrator explaining what I was seeing; no voiceovers like “little Bayarjargal learns early to appreciate the mystery of yogurt.” No parents asking “Are you good little boy?” with answers like “Yes he’s good little boy.” Just babies. Great.

I once was in that state myself. Flat on my stomach with my eyes an inch away from ants all crawling in a line on the front sidewalk; never been so entertained in my life.

Watch Babies For Free On Gomovies.