Baggage Claim

Baggage Claim

“Baggage Claim” is so old-fashioned in its portrayal of women’s self-worth and, honestly, so offensive that it’s hard to believe it’s coming out in 2013 rather than 1963.

This week also sees the release of a second film portraying attractive and lively nearly thirty-year olds who must marry within an arbitrary and absurdly short period of time to satisfy their overbearing parents. While “Baggage Claim” occurs in a black family from Baltimore, “Wedding Palace” takes place in Los Angeles’ Koreatown.

What a small world we live in unfortunately.

Paula Patton plays the peppy, perfectly coiffed flight attendant Montana Moore, but she is actually quite the world traveler. She has the obligatory sassy best friend with innuendos and bosom-baring outfits (Jill Scott) as well as her no-nonsense gay buddy who always tells it like it is (Adam Brody). The two accompany her on flights around the country where they chat about absolutely nothing for hours on end. Most of these conversations are dull but Brody gets off a few funny lines.

Montana also has a childhood buddy named William Wright take note of that last name who lives down the hall from her. Could it be that he was always right under her nose? Even Derek Luke’s charm can’t save such formulaic nonsense.

As one among many gorgeous men writer-director David E. Talbert includes as potential suitors for his leading lady, Luke doesn’t stand out much either. In clumsily adapting his same-named novel into a screenplay and providing some semblance of tension between competing love interests, Talbert manages to achieve only this: Should Montana lead a life full of luxury and adventure with hotel mogul Djimon Hounsou or settle down quietly running construction businesses with family man Luke?

There shouldn’t be any doubt about what happens next you’ve seen enough movies to know how this ends by now.

But before we get there she uses her position at work to manipulate flight plans which allow her exes to run into him on different airlines every day without knowing they’re stalking him through airport terminals all across America! Her sister (Lauren London) just got engaged prompting their mother (Jenifer Lewis), who has been married multiple times herself including most recently at age sixty-five last year while still taking care not one but two kids under eight years old each month after school when he isn’t home due his long hours spent managing several hotels throughout California so naturally montana has thirty days until september rolls around again this year around thanksgiving when winter break starts back up again because logic!

Montana just found out the one she thought was The One (Boris Kodjoe; they share an unintentionally hilarious love scene on a boat) is actually married with a baby on the way but no matter! She dives headfirst into this caper involving dashing through airports flailing arms suitcase-skipping behind like some sort of deranged luggage-wielding octopus whose only defining traits are good looks and New Edition childhood fandom.

Among others in her past dating life, she rekindles a romance with a gaudy record producer (Tremaine Neverson, aka Trey Songz) and a guy she turns down because he apparently doesn’t know how to use chopsticks. Roll the cliché bad date montage. (There’s also the trying on clothes montage. Talbert explores every rom-com trope.)

If you can say there is such a thing as the best part of “Baggage Claim,” it comes when Montana quickly reignites an old flame with Langston (Taye Diggs), a smooth-talking opportunist running for Congress who needs just the right trophy wife to sit dutifully and quietly at his side. The fact that he is a black Republican leads to some awkward moments at dinner with a wealthy donor (Ned Beatty) and provides the only truly funny lines in the film. Not many, but oh man does it feel good to laugh again.

Watch Baggage Claim For Free On Gomovies.