Battle Earth

Battle Earth

“Battlefield Earth” is likened to being on a bus with an extremely smelly person, which has its own negatives. It is not just substandard; it is revolting and antagonistic in nature. The graphics are repulsive and bland. Characters appear disheveled and the selection of teeth is second rate. Tangles of breathing tubes hang from their mouths osier nose the way ropes of slime would do. The score sounds as though the recording microphone is being battered against the inside of a drum of 55 gallons. The plot.

But wait a moment. Dearest god in the heavens, this cinema is horrific in so so many distinct ways. Even the credits which roll before the start are horrendous. There is always something interesting to watch during the beginning titled sections of the movies, and this is no different, however, in this one, there are just green letters in a font designed for a very basic mac that says ‘computer’. Next, the subtitles unfurl from the left to the right in an archaic ‘effect’ common in the home videos.

Time is now the year 3000, and the world has been turned inside out as if it were wearing the costumes of a Z grade science fiction movie. Barack Obama’s slogan of ‘Change You Can Believe In’ was famously how he built his entire political campaign. Bit it wasn’t only effective when he was in office because these words were literally what the world needed then. A new redeemed future after years of conflict & war.

A few existed but they were only waited to be snuffed out in the pages of history. And when the 22nd president came to power, the earth had become a shell of its former self. The humans’ grand civilization had been completely wiped out. So how did this story even come to take place? Well, it began long ago, with the main federal law ensuring the preservation of nature. Goodbye mother earth, when mankind decided to use global resource management as a basis for this new futuristic civilization.

The short duration interstellar adventure became the large period of time mankind would go on to revisit but with a completely altered civilization. This went on for two centuries during which time the earth faced many adversities. In a desperate search for somewhere new, a spur of the moment fateful decision was made to reach for the stars. Then came the surprise attack by the Psychlos instilled with vengeance for humanity. After the shock of this unparalleled loss died down there were only voyagers left, trying to find ancient stories from the pages of earth.

What went on for centuries turned into the ultimate sarcasm of mankind but not many people were actually telling those stories anyways. It was mostly history retold through dust covered books trapped inside libraries with video game relics that vaguely hinted at the decadence that used to exist all over the world. A single word came to epitomize this entire civilization that was the Human race and that was Pyschlo aimed at independence.

He is in a position where he cannot be reported to his superiors because, and I am not making this up, he has tapes of his opponents that he threatens to release upon his passing, “those will go back to the home office!” Letterman fans treat this line with a laugh; did the people making the movie understand that it was funny? Jonnie Good boy determines the manner in which he is going to circumvent indentured service on the gold mines. He and his men just make their way to Fort Knox, break the door and walk out with some gold.

Of course it has been waiting there for the last 1000 years. What Teren says when his slaves pass him goldsmith parts is too high to be rational. For the level of dumbness, the head of security for slaves in Terl who is the last reiteration about the aliens knows about human feeding habits and plans an event: “Let it believe that it has escaped! We’ll sit back and watch it select its food.” Captured human raised surrounded by wolves. A experiment like that, one would hope for a chicken, would not see hope beyond the wild.

Employing Travolta and Whitaker was throwing away money, as we are unable to see them behind a mountain of matted hair and gruesome makeup. They appear in what looks like a costume from Goodwill, located on the planet Tatooine. If the actor in the Travolta is at his best being charming, funny, heartfelt, and courageous; why conceal him as a repulsed alien freak? The Psychlos are capable of flying across galaxies, but look at their fingernails: They have invented hyper drive but not a nail cutter.

I don’t object to portraying characters as dirty for principle at least now that the nasty Smell-O-Vision is no longer a possibility. Many great pictures have filthy characters as their lead. But when the characters gross you out figuratively, it makes one wonder if the art and costume departments were allowed creative license too much.

In 1980, the founder of scientology L. Ron Hubbard wrote the fragmented and disjointed Battlefield Earth. There is no evidence of Scientology or other mindset in the film; it is boundlessly empty with no story or appealing characters. The director Roger Christian, has picked up from the better pictures that directors at times tilt the camera, but has not indeed understood why.

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