Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

It seems that schlocky creature production company Asylum are willing to suffer another hit after the strange success of Sharknado, but I’m not convinced they have it with Blood Lake, amusingly subtitled attack of the killer lampreys in case the title is too unclear for you.

It is always nice to hear that Shannen Doherty is getting some work, that yes is always a good thing. Christopher Lloyd, the great one comes in a cameo as the corrupt old primary of the town and that is a great pleasure as well the man can do no wrong in my book (not to mention that he is the one who has the most entertaining death scene of all in this film).

If you thought that was all, then you are surely mistaken because that is about all there is worth having fun in Blood Lake. The attempt at parody that comes out in the form of bad bechiches does not quite cut it as being amusing look at the kills. You meet your characters, the fishes take offence, the fishes take some extreme measures of self defense, the town’s folks come up with some offensive counter plans and so on. It was simply a matter of putting a bunch of skits together and then using them to make a movie.

Watching local wildlife feature in movies nowadays, the entire experience seems somewhat bland. I feel that the audience can enter the movie at any point say, ten minutes in, or else quite near the end and will lose nothing in terms of the understanding of the film itself. All they’ve done is compiled a collection of poorly designed massacre scenes that are moderately pleasant or infuriatingly senseless.

It is also known that CGI lamprays often look horrible (which isn’t unreasonable considering the choice of such a rarely known animal), and that family members get separated, only to walk around in circles looking for a missing member.

I’m sure director James Cullen Bressack has more than this in him, and it looks like he knows it too. I reviewed one of his previous films, To Jennifer (impressive concept as it is shot entirely using an Iphone) and in some ways thought it was even quite witty. You won’t believe this, but it will even be broadcast on Animal Planet- no, it’s not a mistake, Animal Planet!

I really don’t know whether anyone at their headquarters is watching this, but I would bet my bottom dollar that if they assessed the effects in this picture, they would think twice about that particular partnership. It is truly painful to see how bad some of the lampreys look at times, its just o of pure cheese. At times it seems like nightcrawler footage was stuck over the original film and the production team was too lazy to take it off.

There are people who have referred to me as a hater for some reason, but let me reassure you that I am not one of those people. I remember very well how I was mesmerized watching the Piranha remake (and more surprising still, the sequel which some consider a failure). I easily recall the plot of Lake Placid and how engaged I was. Undoubtedly in my opinion this one does not have any fronts that are really enjoyable. The actions of the characters appear to be beyond comprehension and in the majority of the cases the acting leaves a lot to be desired (even Doherty is looking hopeless here).

It never fails to be the same tragic case with these kinds of movies, especially if it is one of many waiving low expectations in advance. What if I tell you the main feature aims to be as absurd as poplamas painted in a child’s mess the robotic/cg or fake rubber lampreys that crawl up your walls and even through your toilets? Then go ahead and find it in some imaginary corner of the internet. Unless you consider raw gory fun as sufficient as none of this film will tackle any issues in a humorous yet entertaining fashion.

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