Fire Twister

Fire Twister

Paladin was still miserably cross with me because I had dozed off while he was going through “Darkness Rising”. I told him that I owe him and will compensate by selecting for viewing Fire Twister which has all norms of being one of our actor, Casper Van Dien’s greatest movies. In my opinion, what better way to end a cold night than watching a fire tornado based movie?

Scott Nylander (Van Dien), a former Los Angeles resident turns firefighter and together with three friends who are part of an ecotype group intends to erect a banner on the top of a huge oil tank belonging to Synco company in an effort to create awareness for the global warning. As those getting closer to the banner’s target, Scott notices a man and a woman standing down the hill, watching them. He is not too concerned about them and the small group of people proceeds to increase the height of the banner.

This time, however, things are different. Scott notices an explosive device and the group runs for safety. A massive explosion occurs and Fire Twister is created.

So, turning my head slightly to the left away from the cheetah, I see him gazing fixedly at me.

At one point, Scott and his companions start looking upward and that is also the unfortunate point for them as the fire tornado has also noticed their presence and is coming toward the direction of Scott and his band. Scott and his small band abandon the car and hide in a sewer as the fire tornado surrounded by flames rotates several hundreds of degrees outside the drain and heat waves flow inside the empty sewer drain.

As the twister pushes on, the other heroes emerge from their safekeeping unharmed and walk towards their vehicle when that couple, whom Scott was watching already, starts firing shots from their handgun, which seem to be unskillful at best.

The cheetah seems disinterested in the conversation and walks to the basement and I can hear him step quite forcefully.

However, Scott and his friends encounter Anthony who, strangely enough, works for Synco and knows the reason for the fire twister, The group of five then sets off in pursuit of the tornado which has been wreaking havoc in Los Angeles. So they are headed directly toward a tornado except that it pops ‘out of the blue skies’ which I believe is absolutely what happens!! Go ask Casper yourself!! His twitter is @CasperVanDien and you can tell him the cheetah sent you!

Anyway, the gang gets into a subdivision but since they are not safe, Scott orders them to get out of the car, run twenty yards and lie down on the ground while Fire Twister tosses their car while not a single strand of hair is lost on Scott’s group head. The man is practically invincible to fire!!! It would have been great if Josh Brolin had Scott as a Hot Shot firefighter.

The strong twister manages to squeeze into a space between two houses and just like all the other friendly tornadoes, it doesn’t do any damage. Scott and his band of his merry men (and women) then save a woman who had been stuck on a tree.

The car is given by her because of her extreme gratitude so that they can go try and save the day by stopping that dastardly tornado But then, they are surrounded by that couple and two additional Asylum extras and Scott gets shot at and they all MISS!!! Scott and his escapes as the merc’s leader (which is a rule of these movies) V slaughterers a cellphone.

The cheetah has located our first crazy nature film, the mighty “Seattle Superstorm” and pulled it up from the basement this is not going to bode well.

It is interesting to note that, even after the tornado, the squad returned, and Anthony stated that tornados have a greater attraction towards heated areas. To this, Scott sounded puzzled precisely when the tornado was wrecking a nuclear plant, and so Scott asked, “If a tornado loves heat, why is it that Washington D.C is not the target of this storm where all the warm airbags can be found?”

With this one question, Scott made Tony baffled, and so Tony thought about blowing himself up with undersized a barrel car full of gas to save the world from the tornado. This does not shock the general public in today’s society since people are used to knowing that there are many things that do not work in the world.

This does not end there because when V gets the head of Synco’s fan and it seems to be Norman Tuttle, whom everyone thought was dead, things get REALLY interesting. Tuttle must be the new world order as he is referred to as Mitch, because since then, leaving Team Night Hawk, Tuttle has focused on business and has become a corporate raider. V and Scott play a nasty game where they claim to be eco-terrorists and try to bring Scott’s good name down.

Scott intends to go down fighting. He phones up his former captain and requests that he provide a $500,000 pumper and fill it with 1,000 gallons of fuel and C-4 that the Los Angeles Fire Department has behind the shed somewhere. But will that be sufficient to put a halt to this monstrous Fire Twister? I don’t know, what I do know is that the cheetah grabbed the remote and escaped before I could learn the answer.

Fire Twister is such a bad film, There are no words that will explain how horrific it was, but Fire Twister is less self delusional than Darkness Rising which only compounds its appeal. And this movie does have some good parts like large portions of it are bad in nature so you can watch it with friends and enjoy all of the hilarious scenes and make it fun. They are a cut above crayons and the story couldn’t possibly fill a comic strip in a newspaper. On the upside, it was great to see Joe Regalbuto in an 80s movie again.

What is most unfortunate is Casper being stuck in another very low budget direct to video crap and he deserves so much better then this. It’s not that he is above making filthy indie movies, but such is at the rock bottom starting point. Twister is so disgraceful that the Sci-Fi Channel wouldn’t even think of showing it.

While I was rolling lol at the awful how the effects were made, I was wondering how a person like Casper felt getting out of bed to shoot this turkey. As a Casper fan, I feel he should be working in a film such as the new monster movie “The Meg”. He is a decent actor who is familiar with the genre but having to do tabal “Fire Twister” as a fan it’s painful to watch.

“Fire Twister” is developed for a wide audience aged PG and the running time is approximately 86 minutes. The only feature included is the trailer.

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