Slaughterhouse on the Hill (2024)

Slaughterhouse on the Hill Review

Certain movies are must-see as soon as the trailer drops; some, like Slaughterhouse on the Hill, you need to ponder over. On one hand, it was directed and written by Tom Devlin of Teddy Told Me To fame who also created effects for movies ranging from Reel Evil and Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles: The XXX Parody to Alien Planet and Invaders from Proxima B.

On the other, it’s released by Cinema Epoch which gave us such classics as Amityville Cop, Sinful and Amityville Emanuelle (which name checks both those prolific franchises but contains neither scares nor anything remotely erotic). But even a blind squirrel finds an occasional acorn, so I crossed my fingers that this would be one of those times. My faith in this film was shaken by its opening, though there were moments when I second guessed myself such as when two drunken idiots argue about which one of them did Alice there back in the day. The killer eventually gets rid of them, but not only are the killings bloodless (fine for this vegetarian), but the film goes to black we don’t see any chopping or meat processing or anything, just hear a little bit.

So after watching their Alma Mater’s Homecoming game (they lose 70–14), Donnie (Jason Wallace Mothman! Las Vegas Frankenstein!), his girlfriend CiCi (Ashley Ballou Move Me No Mountain! The After Dark!), Chuck (Steve Hansen Hell Nurse! Ravage Nation!) and Tracy (Kristy Adams Only Fangs! Valentine Bluffs!), Becky (Kikki D’Aire Sexy Time 3) and Bo (Chris Arredondo Team Xtreme Operation Eco-Nightmare!) and Pete decide to go check out the old slaughterhouse on the hill where they used to party. As they look for a way in, a big figure (Walid Atshe From Dusk Till Bong! Weedjies: Halloweed Night!) wearing a football jersey and a pig’s head is watching them.

Devlin sets Slaughterhouse on the Hill up as the forty years later version of a typical teen slasher. Instead of jocks and cheerleaders out in the woods, it’s the now grown up, or at least older, class of ‘84 partying in some creepy old building and talking about the dark secret all of them except CiCi share.

Thankfully it doesn’t take long for the killings to start unlike those at the start of this movie, they are on-screen. Cleavers slam into necks; there’s disembowelment by meat hook, a head gets knocked off someone’s shoulders, and while I don’t know if you remember the beheading during sex in Nightmare, Slaughterhouse on the Hill definitely ups that ante with an even more twisted variation on going out with a bang.

The gore effects by Devlin, Atshe, Arredondo etc are practical and mostly quite well done. Although there are a couple that look less than effective. It also doesn’t help that during these kills, things get somewhat jerky and washed out-looking I’m not sure if this was meant to put us in mind of watching a beat-up print at the theater or a well-used rental VHS at home (or both), but either way it’s extremely annoying.

TJ Emerson’s constant interruptions were another big negative. They interrupt the action without any reason to do so, it asks how can this be a reenactment? How could they have known what happened? And really, why didn’t they just leave them out and tell the story? I mean, Slaughterhouse on the Hill is only seventy-two minutes including credits–they might’ve needed them to make it long enough.

Still, Slaughterhouse on the Hill is a fun modern slasher. Lots of beer and blood, an identifiably beastly killer (sometimes it’s nice when you don’t have to guess), some boobs just like in old times! Some of these performances even have that backyard movie feel about them; but you know how it goes with cheap thrills–you get what you pay for.

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