Tomb Invader

Tomb Invader

The recent event where I spent time in the parking lot of a 7-11 got me thinking about the almighty film family that visited a Redbox for the purpose of renting a film for the evening. Now the wife and daughter wished to rent Bohemian Rhapsody and Five Feet Apart, while the son was interested in How to Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World. What even piqued my interest was the father’s desire which was quite easy to understand: He noticed that the kiosk had The Adventures of Aladdin, which he probably thought could be that latest Disney film featuring Will Smith.

He seemed to be very self-assured about his choice as unbeknownst to him this was a one thirty six scope from The Asylum. They have spent over a decade making this style of ultras lock that borrows plot elements from virtually every feature film, from Pacific Rim (Atlantic Rim), to Transformers (Transmorphers), to John Carter (John Carter of Mars: A Princess of Mars and some re-release versions). Every time there’s a new Three Musketeers, Sinbad, or King Arthur, there are their timely releases with similar titles. It’s genius, and they’ve turned over a good profit out of tricking naive rental managers.

I’m the mark that falls for this type of marketing, simply because I like bad knockoffs and have enjoyed some of The Asylum’s releases over the years.

So there I was, fully prepared to sit through another of those end of the world, apocalyptic type disaster movies, this time a Tomb Invader produced by B movie fimmakers attempting to cash in on the success of Tomb Raider which was produced by Warner Brothers a year before. I looked for it, since the DVD had just come out, and watched it noting the traces of Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

The main hero has a typing that has a Lara Croft vibe. Alabama “Ally” Channing is her name (Gina Vitori), who plays an archeological professor in the film. I mean she looks a bit too young for the role, don’t you think? But whatever! Her mother, however, did die two decades ago in a cave deep in China where she was looking for a gem called heart of the dragon which was worth millions.

Fast forward time, and Ally puts together an expedition to China to look for their mother and retraces her steps (it’s always the last crusade!), but is confronted by the Chinese army and an unreliable sponsor, who quite obviously is waiting for the opportunity to sell out the team. Towards the end, one of the terra cotta warrior comes to life and they have an awkward fight and then Ally saves the day.

Did I enjoy Tomb Invader? Maybe, a bit. I see what they were trying to do with it. It’s mostly bland dialogue in scripted exchanges between flat characters. Ally herself is never really developed. The villain was hardly developed and was feebly executed. The music was okay, and I guess some of the digital effects worked well enough for such a cheap and terrible film.

Which leads to the question, why did The Asylum waste their time and resources? Isn’t it clear: Because that bloke at the Redbox is going to confuse it with that other film we all know is superior. You’ve got to hand it to The Asylum. They certainly know the game. From director James H. Thomas.

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